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I should know better to write a blog post where I’m all like, Hey, check this out! I get up early and do yoga every day now!
Because last week I managed yoga once, on Monday morning. (I think, anyway. Maybe?) I meditated every day – that is non-negotiable for me, even 5 minutes is better than nothing!- and journaled a few times, but I was out late one night, and I’m old and tired and for the rest of the week the 5am alarm just didn’t work out for me.
Sleep is GOOOOOOOOOOOOD.
I’m really trying to be flexible about this practice, mostly because I know if I don’t, I won’t actually practice yoga or meditation at all. I can’t be all or nothing about it, I know this. Some days it’ll work for me, some days it won’t.
Which sounds a lot more Zen than I actually am about it, quite honestly.
I don’t know how or when our summers got so damn busy. I feel like I’m juggling a billion plates and really having to focus in order not to let something drop.
And the whole time I’m left wondering and freaking out, kinda: OMG. I created a life for myself where every moment is busy. I am totally buying into the “busy as a status symbol” thing! This isn’t the kind of life I want to live. I need to simplify.
And I start thinking about the things I can strip away in order to simplify, and I don’t have a good answer. And I panic, a little, because THIS is the life I built – where I can’t find any time? Where does all that time GO?
But then I practice sitting and being, and I love it, and I want more, and I just don’t know how to create more space in my life for it without cutting out things that bring me joy… or that bring in money so we can, you know, pay our bills.
I think I’ve decided to inhabit middle ground right now; where I admit that yes, I’d like to have MORE time to spend just being, but the reality is that I don’t actually have that time. Right now my 15 minutes of meditation I’ve managed to do every day has got to be enough – I can commit to that. And yoga, when I can add it, helps, too.
Of course I want more, because it’s so nice to sit there in stillness and breathe and feel my own aliveness and let my mind rest for a few minutes every day.
But I need to be flexible right now.
And yes, I am trying to steal moments throughout my day to breathe and be. I actually took lunch for the first time in YEARS last Tuesday, where I walked to the harbor and watched the boats and breathed in the sea air. I turn off the music in the car some mornings and just breathe while I drive. I put on specific songs which help me stay grounded. Whenever I take the dog out to do his business, I breathe in the scent of summer in my backyard.
But I still want more. I want to fully inhabit my whole life, not just stolen moments where I look up from my to do list and think, oh yeah hey! I’m alive here!
I just don’t know how to do that.
So there’s that.
Do you find summer to be super busy as well, or are we the only ones who overbook?