#MicroblogMondays: At The End Of My Comfort Zone.

Microblog_Mondays

(Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.)

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I did, in fact, make it out of my basement alive last week when I went to open the fireproof safe. My trip was a short one because I realized very quickly that I did not actually have a key to the safe – they key in question was on Jeff’s keyring, which was with him at Lake Ontario.

I found no evidence that any living dead things were in my basement.

I did, however, disrupt a few hundred teeny spiders, which creeped me right out. Meh.

The rest of the week was spent at my new job, trying to figure out which way is up, who can help me with what… and if there’s anyone there who actually knows what they are doing.

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I have a card that I taped to my office wall which reads: Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. I bought the card a while ago, when I was feeling uncomfortable about all the uncertainty I was feeling about work and this coming fall, because I liked the idea that there’s some good that comes from being uncomfortable.

Because we’ve seen a lot of changes in our house this summer. Jeff, for example, took a position with his national office. His new gig will require a significant amount of travel, depending on where he’s staffed next… and we’re not sure when he’ll be staffed next. Or where the next engagement will be. We’re just waiting.

Owen will be starting third grade at the end of this month, which, in Massachusetts, means he’ll start yearly standardized testing. And book reports, and a lot more reading. As much as I’ve tried to get incent him to read this summer, he’s managed to read a whole TWO BOOKS on his own. (Which, I suppose is better than none?)  Also, he will get a pair of glasses this week, which I normally would be excited about, except the optometrist told me, glasses might make it harder for him to focus on tasks that require close up vision.

Like book reports and reading, whee!

He’s also committed to doing a club soccer team, which means he’ll have practices two nights a week and games on Sundays. We do not know what his school workload will look like, nor when his practices might be.

And I have a new job, making much less money but with more regular hours, where I’ll be shouldering more of the burden of the home stuff. I’m not yet certain what my actual schedule will look like, though – can’t plan that until I know the two days that Owen will be heading to the afterschool program, which I can plan when I know when his soccer practices will be scheduled.

All this uncertainty has left me feeling, well, as if I’m at the end of my comfort zone. I feel unsettled, and I’m not sleeping well, and though I am trying to keep up my writing practice, I’m finding the same thoughts go through my head. Over and over and over.

I’m trying to PLAN, you see. Trying to put some order to the chaos. I’m always thinking and planning and wondering and trying to figure out the potential directions. My head right now is full of words and half-formed plans, fitting about me like the winged keys in the Chamber of Secrets, and I can’t see the real key – the one who can get me to the next room.

I’m definitely at the end of my comfort zone.

So is this is where life begins?

Okay then.

Let’s go.

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9 Responses to #MicroblogMondays: At The End Of My Comfort Zone.

  1. Mali says:

    Give it a few months, and the end of your comfort zone will have shifted. I wish you luck for the next period though, as you all adjust to your new normals.

  2. Deathstar says:

    Yes. So go clean out your closet or Owen’s. Purging stuff always helps me to feel like I’m moving forward.

  3. JeanMarie says:

    Yes, removing clutter and things that you no longer need is really grounding.

    Cleaning a closet will make you feel empowered to do what’s next.

    And each time you claim back your sense of self by shifting something around (perhaps a dump run or trip to Salvation Army) your comfort zone will move again and, you have the opportunity to include the good feelings, and the experience, of having cleaned out your closet to add to your inner resources, as you ponder the frontier of yet a new comfort zone.

    You’ll become a warrior at the edge, and your comfort zone will transition to inside;potable and always available to nourish you.

  4. Mel says:

    I wish this were true for me, too: “I liked the idea that there’s some good that comes from being uncomfortable.” I’m also in a period of flux, and while I can point at things I don’t want, and even point at things I do want, I’m not seeing the roads connecting all things. And I feel very uncomfortable when I feel unsettled. I think it’s a control thing with me.

  5. noemi says:

    I hear you. I’m starting to really look at the reality of next fall (which technically starts in two weeks), and I’m feeling VERY unsettled and uncomfortable. I worry about my daughter in 1st grade, where I think they will have higher expectations than she can meet. And I worry about my son in a room with older kids, where they will expect more of him. And I worry about my insane schedule and all it’s obvious (and hidden) pitfalls. Pretty much every aspect of my life is flux next year and none of it feels easy. I’m pretty terrified.

  6. Justine Levine says:

    Yes … lots of things unsettled here, too. Both kids starting a new school, I’m shouldering more of the parenting responsibilities, not sure yet what aftercare schedules will look like because there’s a lot that depends on things I know nothing about (at the new school), and still trying to arrange things like a new martial arts school and new piano teacher. I applied for a new job, too, and am deeply grateful that I didn’t get it, despite the fact that it would have been more money and more autonomy/responsibility. Because: flux. Holding your hand as we leap …

  7. Persnickety says:

    Best of luck with all of the changes!
    My comment is more on books (because books are my comfort zone and I want everybody to read)- is your son too old for captain underpants? Or has already read them? They are the first “spend my own pocket money to get them” books I got my younger stepbrother hooked on. Failing that the Carl Hiassen books for younger readers or Gordon Korman books. Both Hiassen and Korman write very funny books, and they are mostly about very ordinary (no special abilities)boys.

  8. Lori Holden says:

    Being unsettled, not being able to predict and plan — those things take me out of my comfort zone, too. My daughter copes in much the way you do, cleaning to bring order to chaos. I tend to check out. I become an observer of what’s happening more than a participant.

    Hmmmm….much to think about.

    And yes, I recommend you give fly fishing a try!

  9. Cyn K says:

    I haven’t stepped out of my comfort zone in a long time. I can’t even see the borders from where I stand safe, unchallenged and bored.

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