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Our August was busy with vacations, pool time with friends, parties and gatherings and dinners, time with visitors, and camp and library visits. And, really, we do this every summer – stuff as much as possible into the summer months, because we know we will be heading into Hibernation Mode come October, where it gets dark and cold and grey.
But it doesn’t leave much in the way of downtime. For the past few weeks especially, I’ve felt as if I’ve been in kind of a Survival Mode; trying to stay on top of the most pressing items on my To Do list. I have only been able to take my life one day at a time; I have been too overwhelmed to look beyond it.
And it has affected me emotionally. I’m tired and grumpy and anxious and stressed. Especially these last two weeks, I’ve been struggling with anxiety, enough that I’ve had to take a few minutes multiple times a day to focus only on my breathing in order to stave off what feels like a mounting panic attack.
This weekend, Owen had his first club soccer tournament, which was scheduled for Saturday and yesterday. We spent most of the weekend after his games being social and then doing fun stuff together.
Today the weather was supposed to be cold and raining, so we deliberately did not make plans today; we thought maybe we’d have a family movie day. I even had a rare rest day from workouts scheduled, since I have my next half ironman race next Sunday.
The weather changed, and it’s gorgeous and sunny.
So we slept in, had some breakfast, then I wrote and meditated… then, while Jeff and Owen went fishing, I’ve puttered around and done all the things I haven’t made time for this past month: cleaning/decluttering, going through mail, changing and washing our sheets and towels, prepping food for the week.
It feels luxurious. It feels calming. I can feel myself unfurling, the tension in my shoulders loosening, my breath coming easier.
I need to remember this for next summer, when I keep adding things to do into our schedule. Down time is important, too.