Two nights ago, I completely lost my shit on Owen after a long day of juggling my schedule to make his day work, yet getting nothing but defiance and attitude from him. I screamed so loudly that my throat hurt afterwards. It was awful.
Top three Lowest Parenting Moments right there, people.
In the silence that followed, where I was literally biting my tongue to keep myself from saying anything more, repeating to myself, Love, Karen. Start with love. Love. LOVE! and breathing from my belly to help calm down… Owen asked quietly, When is Dad coming home?
It’s been three weeks, and we’re struggling a bit.
At the end of his first week of travel, Jeff told me that his project was extended and that he’d be on the hook to be traveling most of about 10 weeks, instead of the 3 which we originally thought.
From my perspective, we’ve been waiting for this to come for nearly a year now – ever since he took the position with his national organization; we’ve been fortunate that he has been able to work on his clients remotely before now.
And it’s not like he’s gone for weeks at a time, either. He leaves Monday morning and is home Thursday night.
But still, it’s tough. I take everything day by day, juggling as much as I can with the hours I have in a day. By Friday, I’m done with decision-making and scheduling and I can’t even deal with the question, What do you want to do for dinner?
Owen is struggling, too, and it’s at a level that I can’t always see. The defiance and attitude and frustration with me, likely, has a lot to do with missing his Dad, and he’s taking it out on me. Maybe not consciously, but it’s there.
And it requires a lot more patience from me, which I currently don’t have.
So round and round we go, Owen and I.
This weekend is Jeff’s annual fishing trip to Ontario with his cousins. Owen and I are traveling separately to visit my grandparents – a trip that I am now really excited about, because it means we aren’t home on a weekend where Jeff is also away.
But because Jeff is getting home on Tuesday, it means he’s not traveling next week. We have him home for nearly a whole week, which will be good for all three of us.
And our week vacation at the lake is only three weeks away.
We can do this.